my phone needs a breathalizer
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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