i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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