you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
