i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
love makes seman taste better
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize