idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I FOUND THE LEGS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
