She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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