Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
