i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
