my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
