Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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