These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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