Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
