I cockslap morals
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
