Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
