dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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