Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
