let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
