Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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