Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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