Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
