Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just pee around me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
