If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
