Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
