Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she peed on how many people?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
