Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
