We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
