i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
