the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
