is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
