we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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