so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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