You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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