hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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