It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
