I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
