woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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