I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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