My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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