im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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