Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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