hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So gin and wine won't be happening again
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
