Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
