he wants to bone in the snuggie
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
