Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
