woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
