Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
