i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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