I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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