Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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