Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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