he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
