My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
