Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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