Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
